Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Red Monologue: Ovens and Puppets and Happy Little Trees, oh my! on "The Blacklist'


Red and FakeCraig at the Museum of Creepy Art 

Another of Red's Greatest Monologues during his shakedown of Tom's brother and fellow Berlin minion, with threats to his mother. 

You know, this artist got his start with puppets.
What is it about puppets? It's the same with clowns.
I'll never forget a puppet show I saw when I was 5, maybe 6.
Hansel and Gretel.


          Why are we here? 

Scared me to death.
But it wasn't the witch.
It was the oven.
Imagine an oven puppet.
I don't think I set foot in our kitchen for a month.


           I don't know what you think you're gonna gain from all this, but I'm not gonna talk.  
            I will die before I give you anything.  If you so much as touch my mother... 

God, I miss Bob Ross.
That television painter with the little squirrel on his shoulder and the happy little trees.
A few strokes with a palette knife and an entire mountain range would emerge through the clouds--                absolutely mesmerizing.
Well, let's go back to the hotel.
I think I saw some yogurt pretzels in your mini bar.

    - Episode 18, Milton Bobbit


Next page: Everything You Didn't Know You Wanted to Know About Bob Ross

A Bob Ross Primer for the Youngins  (aka  I'm getting desperate waiting for Season 2)

Bob Ross was the Mr. Rodgers of the pseudo art world, hosting his Happy Little television show on PBS during the Eighties and early Nineties. He offered snoozefest entertainment for aspiring Van Goghs who found Masterpiece Theater too stimulating. If they could pull themselves away from the Starving Artist blowout sales in hotel ballrooms.


It's almost incomprehensible that before Bob adopted that sleepy voice on TV he was an Air Force drill sergeant! 

Don't get me wrong, I love Bob Ross and his orange afro, but I can't say I ever watched an episode of The Joy of Painting all the way through, let alone break out an easel and palette.

Paintbrushes: Cash cow?

Bob Ross never sold any of his more than 30,000 paintings! And he did his show for free for over a decade! (He taped an entire 13 episode season in just 2 days.)  But Bob was no Starving Artist. He built his small empire among the Happy Little Snow-capped Trees selling art supplies and how-to kits emblazoned with his curly haired visage.

So what's with the squirrel? 


Bob Ross' first love was helpless animals and he took in many to rehabilitate. The most well-known was an epileptic squirrel named Peapod who lived in his empty Jacuzzi and had cameo appearances on the show. I'm not sure he ever sported a beret, though. Ross worked with hundreds of small critters which makes me wonder if there were any homed in his lofty fro.



Now in syndication, The Joy of Painting and Ross are still cultural icons. He even scored a Google Doodle in 2012, eighteen years after his death from cancer in 1995.


Speaking of Google, would you believe a Google search of "Hansel and Gretel puppets" yielded almost 80,000 results?  Oven puppets, not so much. I can't even begin to picture what one would look like. On second thought, I think I'll try. Let's imagine a square box painted black inside and out. We could paint dials and burners on the outside and fabricate a door and some simple racks for the inside of the oven. Put a hole in the rear of the oven so that you can reach in (with your black glove clad hand) and pull Hansel and Gretel out. Now I'm stoked! I wonder if my son's school can pull together a H&G puppet show....

3 comments:

Basil said...

Another superb contribution, Chomps. Thanks so much.

Chompstick said...

Thank you, ma'am. Your familiar with Bob Ross, I'm sure?

Anonymous said...

Does anyone have information about the art or artist's work featured in the museum they visit? I can't find anything about it. Or was it just created as part of the set?