Monday, April 11, 2016

Every Girl Dreams of Her Wedding Dress .....

....  Apparently Liz Had a Nightmare


"Nightmare On Pennsylvania Avenue"

Lizzy dear, I love ya, but you were not doing yourself any favors with that wedding dress.  And that hair! Were you planning to milk a few Holsteins at the end of the aisle?? You must have thought it was ...
Something old,
Something new,
Something borrowed,
Something moo.




I have not seen a worse looking bride in my life. Not at a drive-through chapel in Vegas. Not at the end of a shotgun! Were you trying to repel Tom and send him bolting out the back door in pursuit of Gina? I could even imagine him jumping into the arms of Ressler to avoid his fate with the milkmaid. Is it just a coincidence that you and your swankalicious man never tied the knot?? Forget the bullets flying. I know the real reason. Honey, you should have sent an S.O.S out to Randy on Say Yes To The Dress to get yourself fitted up in something even a teensy bit flattering.


The Lovely Megan Boone









Now Megan, this is no commentary on you.  I have seen beautiful pictures of you online, all dressed up in your finery, and I'm sure you're a glowing mommy-to-be (congratulations from all of us at the Blacklist Support Group, by the way).  But the stylists on The Blacklist have it out for Liz.







Perhaps I should apply for the job.
Here are my suggestions:

Go ahead and laugh all you want. I do not profess to have anything remotely approaching passable photoshop skills!  But at least you won't be humming Old MacDonald.

** Update **  Our very own, highly observant Marie just spotted Liz in her getaway vehicle; its style is in keeping with the milkmaid theme. Thank you, Marie!


Just in case you don't know me well enough yet, this article is tongue in cheek. Do not fear, your leader-in-chief is not violating her own rule to not disparage actors, crew, and unnecessarily rip into characters. Really, who isn't laughing at my cow? (inspired by Tabasko's poem)

~ Chompstick

33 comments:

Eastcoast said...

Oh my! Oh dear! Maybe I shouldn't have looked one more time before turning off the light!
I agree it wasn't the most flattering, however it did need to suit the purpose. It needed to be loose enough to be in a gun fight. If it were long she would have been tripping on it and it needed to be short enough also so that she could turn around in the car and shoot behind her.... besides, I always blame wardrobe for the clothing and hair problems.

I will admit to picturing her in something much more flattering and elegant like the ones you posted you did a really good job!!😄


Iowa Watcher said...

The color of the dress and the hairstyle are the main problems. That beige just isn't good for her skin tone. A rich blue would've been much more flattering. The overall shape isn't bad. She was something like 8 months along, so that shape of dress was a good choice.

The hair would've been better pulled back and up. More volume up top would've made her face appear a bit more slender, but that's no criticism. She's about ready to give birth: let her glowing cheeks carry the look.

Okay, I'm out in the hinterlands, but -- honestly! -- there aren't that many women who look decent in white. Darker colors would be much more flattering. We're having this talk right now with prom season coming up. I can make one of the young neighbor gals look like a million bucks, but not if she insists on wearing this mostly white gown that's totally the wrong cut for her height and figure. Ugh. The slutty look has reached prom dresses.

Iowa Watcher said...

Chompstick, the women in your photographs are more like 5 - 6 months along. With Megan so far along, the filled in bust line is a better choice, in my opinion. She needs that support. The bras used with plunging necklines aren't the best for larger ladies.

I am laughing at the shot of the cow, but I also know how hard it is to dress someone so far along. Nothing fits right and the only comfortable clothing is things like large sweat pants and huge, flowing cotton tops. One very pregnant friend ended up wearing black sweat pants to a funeral because nothing else fit -- no one noticed.

Kodiak said...

Chompstick LOLOLOLOL!!!

She had SERIOUS milkmaid hair! Between the S1 wig, the blonde dye, and now this, I think the stylists hate Liz's head more than anything. ;)

Megan Boone is a cute girl, but yikes!

Very funny! Your choices are a huge improvement.

Hey, maybe Car Person was a wedding stylist desperate to stop this thing.

Pretty cute cow, though. Cow, are you free later? Signed, Kodiak

This is good to kill some of my fear of episode 3.18.

Tabasko said...

LOL, Chomps! You are too funny. She was a good bit of the dairy maid/Swiss Miss variety bride. Did Gina deliver Tom's tux? Maybe Liz should have employed her! Or asked Samar to help. Even Aram!

Honestly! Tom was obviously too busy to grab a razor but my goodness, Liz.

I prefer Option 2. : )

Kodiak #4: LOL. I will get the fetching cow's number for you. I love that cow. She looks very happy to be getting married.

Nice hat, Chomps!

Chompstick said...

One of the things that struck me when looking for headshots of Megan online is that she is very attractive, yet you would never know it from looking at Liz. I realize they want Liz to be more no nonsense, but is it necessary to suppress her beauty to the considerable extent they do? May I remind you of Samar, the agent of low cut white tank tops, tight jeans, and flowing sexy locks? Just ask Aram!

Kodiak said...

Indeed!

One Paul said...

Chompstick, that is udderly hilarious!

And well said. I was not over the moon with this look. They need to beef it up here! Her hair left me in a bad mooooooood.

IreneAdler said...

Wow Chompstick, that is so funny! I love the cow :)
I am glad to see that I'm not the only one that was choked by Liz's look in this episode.
Love your choice of wedding dresses too, especially the first and the last one.

I do agree with Iowa Watcher that it's a bit hard to dress an 8 months pregnant woman. Those models look lovely but those are probably fake pregnancies where they just put a round belly on them. In real life most women get at least a bit of extra weight everywhere so it's a tad harder to make them look flattering.

Having sad that, I do think that they could have done a much better job. So maybe the choice of dress and hairstyle was an attempt to "keep it real": Liz decided to get married the same day, so she didn’t have time to go try on a lot of dresses and instead just chose something hideous (imho) but simple and comfy, and we see her do her own makeup and we can assume she did her own hair...

But then how real was it for her to grab her bouquet when fleeing the church?! That detail was really weird to me. I see only two explanations: either it was an attempt of humor which didn't go well (again imho) or it was another sign that Liz is not completely in touch with reality lately...The other signs being the fact that she wants to be in that unhealthy relationship and insists on marring Tom right that day, on a whim of sorts... Come to think of it, her choice of wedding dress could also be a sign of that :)


Charmed said...

East Coast
I had to laugh at your comments. And Liz's dress did need to be suited for a gunfight!

Kodiak and One Paul
Y'all are totally nuts and I mean that in the very best possible way. Since Summer Camp 2015!

I really needed the laughs and just think I just had to look at Chomps views of Megan's wedding dress and that sweet cow with all your hilarious comments.

Iowa Watcher
For a moment you sounded like Red telling Liz what colors didn't look good with her complexion.
Yes, the slutty prom dresses have reached the hinterlands! I'm so impressed that you can make fancy/slutty dresses AND you have IT,
cable ands electronic skills (some you have explained to me before).

Tabasko,
I have to agree with your comments about the show downplaying (way down) Liz's beauty! Why? Did they want to show her as the girl next door type? I believe so.

Charmed said...

IreneAdler
Choked? Yep. lol
The hair and dress were probably an attempt at keeping it real. But sad. Do it now get it done, start our new life together.
So much wishful thinking. I think Liz needed something hopeful to save from her wedding debacle - her bouquet.

Chompstick said...

One Paul, you are so funny! Thanks for the laugh.

Irene, I noticed the bouquet right away, too. It made no sense, unless Dembe had previously hinted at his favorite flowers being among her bouquet. You know how the smell of napalm, I mean, bougainvillia drives that man crazy!

IreneAdler said...

Charmed
I meant "shocked"! I can't believe how I've misspelled that! LOL Let’s blame it on autocorrect :) But actually "choked" works as well :) LOL

Maybe you're right that she just wanted to save something hopeful from her wedding debacle, but while I was watching it I thought that that scene really didn't belong in a show like TBL.

IreneAdler said...

Hahaha, Chompstick, you're right that's the only logical explanation! I can't stop laughing now :) :) :)

Tabasko said...

I am just giving this all a huge LOL. x-D

I thought maybe they were referencing another film when she turned around like that, but for the life of me I do not know what!

At least she didn't ride away on a horse or sprint down some railroad tracks in sneakers like The Runaway Bride.

BL Mom said...

Chompstick, that is so funny!

You guys are all so funny. 😄

Poor Liz. If she does end up Red's daughter, she did not inherit his style sense at all!

BL Mom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lake Girl said...

You guys are tooooooooo funny! :D. What a great way to blow off the stress of waiting to see what's going to happen on Thursday. When shopping for my wedding dress, I never even considered "easy to run through the gunfire and escape.". Lololol.

Honey West said...

Well, it is a fairly simple look and in my opinion, it was driven more by being able to replicate it on her stunt double in long shots, especially if it turned out that Ms. Boone might not be able to finish a shoot and they needed to have a lookalike stand-in for her.
Just my humble opinion.

Marie said...

LOL CHomps!

I could have found her a better wedding dress at work!

The cow made me think of this....There is a grocery store near me that has their own dairy. Some of their trucks have a cow's head that sticks out the top. I will find a photo and send it to you on the other mail address. LOL



Iowa Watcher said...

Charmed, I'm not sewing from scratch these days. We have many thrift stores in the metro where prom and wedding dresses can be had for $30 - $50. I take careful measurements for the alterations (fit is everything!), add some bead work, maybe a little power netting (like on skating dresses), and create a custom piece at a fraction of the cost of the junk on the racks at the mall. None of these parents could afford a $175+ prom dress, so this is one way to give a gal a nice treat for her senior prom.

Back to Liz. The more I think about it, the more I think they had to use what they had on hand that would fit her pregnant body. I've heard that in New York, it's harder to find stylish clothing for moms-to-be vs. afterwards. Maybe that's wrong. I've never shopped in NYC but I remember some of the larger gals who went out there (and have since returned to work in Des Moines) complaining about that. By "large," I mean size 16, not a plus size, like 1X.

Tabasko said...

Oh, Iowa, that sounds so nice! I wish I had inherited my mother's talent for sewing. It would be a nice thing to know for my daughter.

Well as someone who has lived in NYC, it is pretty darned easy to find really good maternity clothes there. Although Liz would be in DC, but no matter. Maternity wear is really nice nowadays. I had to attend at event what I thought was more than 2 weeks before my due date and I thought I looked pretty smokin'! Turned out my daughter 2 days later!

It probably lent to tbe realism of Liz's rush but everyone ....

Chomps is joking around! :))

Iowa Watcher said...

Tab, with a lot of the new machines, it's not as hard as it was when I was growing up! I think the hardest part is learning to measure and to cut accurately. You can start with simple designs and stretch knits, which are very forgiving. Heck, I started with canvas tote bags! Master those techniques and you can make simple tee shirts.

And I know Chomps is joking. (: (: (:

Chompstick said...

Maternity clothes have become so much more natural, in cut and fabrication, just within the time between us having our babies, Tabby. I just missed the good stuff. The social norm was to hide the bump under flowing clothes, instead of bump hugging clothes that celebrate motherhood now.

There is now a huge market for wedding gown/dress rentals, much like tuxedos. I imagine the maternity sector would be bursting because most women are probably not dreaming about handing their 8 month pregnant wedding dress to their daughter or niece, so perhaps aren't interested in investing, and many just plain feel yucky about themselves.

Tabasko said...

LOL! If anyone has not looked up there and seen Marie's cow vehicle, they should look.

Must be hard for the cow to drive like that.

Tabasko said...

Iowa #23: That is good to know! I have looked at machines in various places. I would love to learn. One of our stores locally does sewing classes and also knitting. I really should get more serious. My mom made beautiful stuff for us. My daughter is too tall for a lot of it, much taller than I was then. : ( Thanks for the advice!

Anyway, it is interesting to think about the reasons behind the choice of attire. I always learn something, like in all of our discussions. : )

But Tom looked a little nicer than she did.

Chomps #24: Yes, I think Iucked into a time where it was getting popular with celebrities to show off pregnancies. LOL. I have tops I can still wear now, and do!

Yes, I have seen that, too in rentals. I have to say I have never once looked at mine or even thought about it. Not once! I hope I don't have to give it to any shotgun wedding or very pregnant relatives, though! Or weddings where Mr. Solomon shows up.

Iowa Watcher said...

Yes, Tom did look nicer!

This is the machine I've been recommending for beginners:

SINGER 7258 Stylist Award-Winning 100-Stitch Computerized Sewing Machine with DVD, 10 Presser Feet, Metal Frame (. . .) [about $160 at Walmart]

It's not overly expensive -- won't handle hard, daily use -- but it's solid enough to explore the basics and do beginning designing.

Re: rentals -- we have some here, too! Most find better stuff at the thrift stores because there are ladies who travel to wholesale auctions and bring back commercial laundry carts full of dresses that didn't sell back East.

Some of them are just awful! There was this purple one with a too-low neckline and this huge, off-set orange bow, which I immediately removed. Once I added power netting and different straps, it became acceptable for a modest 17-year-old. Her mom added three rows of white seed pearls to the waist and a friend hand-painted several small white roses across one shoulder (and down the side). It was lovely! That was our best effort to date.

Tabasko said...

Iowa Watcher #27: Thanks so much!!!!

I took a look at it tonight online and the reviews are really good. Very cool! This is something I have wanted to do for years, so maybe I finally will now.

Yes, we have some really good resale/thrifts here! There is a really, well, fancy area up above us (literally up on top of a hill) and a lot of stuff ends up in estate sales and things and then gets to the shops. I know a woman well that owns one and have really scored in the furniture department. I have some great outdoor stuff that just needed a repaint. : )

So I imagine the dresses would be great fun to re-do. Purple with an orange bow???? Hopefully that was originally someone's school colors or something. Whoa!

Iowa Watcher said...

@ Tabs --

I'm leaving this here because she might not see it in the off-topic section.

Tip 1 - One of the seniors taught herself to sew wedding dresses by first making them for her dolls when she was little. As she got older, she was able to get satin and silk scraps for free from her aunts and one gave her a thrift store wedding dress, which she cut up and re-used in many projects. Satin is unforgiving! It takes awhile to get great results. On the other hand, stretch knits are forgiving and a beginner can get good results quickly.

Tip 2 - A simple tank top can be made by tracing around an existing tank top that fits and adding about 1/2" for the seam. Cut out the front & back, then pin. Use inexpensive stretch knit. Or -- take apart an old tank top or tee shirt and use that for a pattern.

Tip 3 - Start with an inexpensive, simple project that really inspires you. I started with canvas tote bags at about age 17 because I needed 4 for a bike trip and they were around $30 each. The raw material was around $1.50/yd so I taught myself to make them. By about the 3rd or 4th one, I got the hang of it and went on to make tank tops and shorts.

Tip 4 - You can learn a lot by taking apart a well-made piece. I learned to sew skirts by taking several thrift store skirts apart, cutting them down, and then re-assembling them to fit me. Yes, the results were questionable at first, but it didn't matter because I was a beginner with little money. By the third one, the results were wearable on the job.

Patterns are great! But I learned to sew because all of my money was going for college and after buying material and thread, that was often it, so I made do and later learned to make my own patterns from muslin or $1 thrift store sheets.

Classes are also great! But there are lots of free youtubes online. After you actually sew several projects, you'll quickly get a feel for your strengths and weaknesses and can better choose classes and instructors. The lower level Singer machines are great because you can spend your time actually sewing instead of messing with the machine. I started with an old Viking and quickly borrowed a "simple" Singer (a little portable back then) until I learned the machine. I probably never would have learned on that Viking. It was bear to thread and use!

I wanted to email this to you, but you don't have email in this system.

Charmed said...

Iowa Watcher #29

You've given Tabs and me a lot of great information. I am interested in getting into sewing again. I used to make most of my clothes. My problem was that I always liked Touchable fabrics and we didn't have the great knits then, that we have now. I have a special love for vests , easy open jackets and dusters (long or short).

Would you mind pasting your comments to the Off Topic page? Then it will be a Keeper and eventually more people will see it. Especially from the sidebar, like I just did. You are a very interesting person, with a lot of skills. Unlike me.

I hope thinking about what may be in store on TBL will cheer you up. They won't want to yank our chain too hard. They need us more than ever!

Tatiana said...

Hilarious! Here's the dress mistakes: scoop neckline, 3/4 sleeves, over knee length dress.

And that headband, are you kidding me! ha!

I would find it way more believable if she wore a black leather jacket over the whole gig!

Wardrobe must not have an experienced designer.

Scoop neckline is very drab, makes a woman's figure look heavier, does not emphasize a beautiful bust line.

3/4 sleeves? Makes her arms look larger. They should have gone with no sleeves or full length sleeves.

Skirt length. Understandably, they couldn't go with full length from a practical perspective, but tea length would probably have been far more flattering to her legs and her overall figure. It would put the emphasis on the vertical rather than width. I'm afraid knee length made her look shorter and fuller.

She's pregnant - go with it!

I think the hair cut is to slim her face, but it just looks very unnatural. An updo with falling tendrils would have just emphasized how sweet and beautiful she is :-)

With a tea length dress, a ballet slipper would look fine. I also think a chiffon or some kind of very soft, flowing, non-detailed material would have been more flattering.

Honestly, I found myself thinking, just don't look! LOL!

Tabasko said...

Iowa Watcher #29: Thank you so much!!!! I am so sorry I have been remiss in thanking you for this. Big episode this week.

Weirdly, I am realized when I was reading this how much I have picked up about fabric from watching Project Runway! LOL.

I have to tell you, I went ahead and bought the model you suggested on Amazon yesterday. So now I will take all your tips and get started. A tank top and tote bag sound like good places to start. I am so excited.

Thanks, thanks, thanks, for taking the time to write that all out. I know you are a busy woman! I really appreciate it. Thanks for the pointers and good stories.

P.S. I would have been happy to give you my email.

Tatiana #31: Yes, the hair/headband troubled me most, LOL. I have a good friend who owns a salon, and that was a Just Say No 'do.

Iowa Watcher said...

You're welcome, Tab. Enjoy and have fun! I hope your daughter gets interested, too. Even if she's only interested in learning to hem jeans, she'll learn a cool skill!