Sunday, May 15, 2016

And the Winner is .....

For our first ever Blacklist Support Group Contest ~
Write a Short Essay about an episode of your idea of a spin-off.

We thank Iowa Watcher, One Paul, Kodiak, Lake Girl, BL Mom, Honey West, Floralouise, and an anonymous writer for their story submissions. Every one of them was thoroughly enjoyable to read and it was very difficult to decide on a winner. It was completely subjective. Tabasko and Charmed read all of the entries without names attached so there was be no subconscious bias. We went back and forth quite a bit, and what it came down to was just which one tickled our fancy the most.

Congratulations Kodiak!!
And tickle us it did. Kodiak, you had me at "medium-sized mop". I'm still chuckling. So what is it about Kodiak's yarn that didn't make us yawn? For one thing, it's a story chock full of hilarious references to The Blacklist. It reads like a pilot by providing us with the framework of his new series, as well as setting up the first adventure. Red's Dead Associates will never run out of material for more episodes. Perhaps we should make Kodiak write one each week during the summer hiatus!

We liked Kodiak's particular trio of characters. It was bittersweet to revisit long dead but memorable characters. And even though we missed Hudson, we're glad he wasn't included because that would mean he's dead, and of course he's not.

All of the essays are included below, and I highlighted a few things we really liked about each one.


Red’s Dead Associates: Kodiak’s Bear Den

Nobody is dead in TV anymore! Anyone can come back, anytime they (or the writers) want, thus the genius behind this new Blacklist Spin-off from Kodiak, writer/producer of absolutely no previous work in film or TV, ever.

Three popular characters, all deceased associates of Red, come back better than ever! Here is the return of Mr. Vargas, Luli and The Cowboy.

Pre squirrel hair 
Mr. Vargas went out on a bad note. He never did get to tell Red to tell Naomi and Frank what City Dog liked for treats, why he appeared to shoot Dembe (he thought he was helping!) or why his hair changed so drastically from Season 2 to Season 3 (he let some squirrels do his hair).

He was really only faking it, being dead slumped against the car. He waited until everyone cleared out and snuck off, carefully avoiding Mr. Kaplan’s clean up crew, who mistook a medium-sized mop for his body. But where to go? Wait, he remembered hearing of a scary, magical, secret place on The Blacklist Support Group: Kodiak’s Bear Den. Surely even the worst of humanity would stay out of there.  The perfect home base for a new operation.

I'm not commenting on whose bear butt this might be.

Then, he begins to hear rumors that Luli had an incredible impenetrable skull, and was still alive after the apparent shooting by Anslo Garrick. She has been hiding in an office of a kidnapped Post Office worker ever since. You know, one extra kidnapping no one ever noticed! They all blend together after awhile.

Mr. Vargas finds Luli and invites her to join him in the Bear Den. She is all too happy, especially since she witnessed that time Ressler and Samar made out, and the fact that Cooper walks around in his undershorts when he sleeps at the Post Office.

Boy or Man?
The Cowboy, well that was his twin brother, the The Cowman, that Tom killed, so he is set to go. He has been completely out of work since everyone thought him dead. He was working at one of those places where they have mechanical bull rides, since he already had the wardrobe. But it was bor-ring!

Mr. Vargas, very bitter over his short return to Red’s world, hatches a plan. Vargas, Luli, and The Cowboy unite in the name of avenging their one true enemy: TV supporting roles that were just too short. And to get Kodiak a free T, which is what his wardrobe consists of exclusively.

Their first case will be that one person who died right away on “Lost.”

Iowa Watcher

Episode 1 – Red’s Army

Aram took out his smartphone and rechecked the number on the shipping container in the alley by the warehouse Tom Keen used to rent. Once again, the numbers matched. Sighing, Aram checked his watch. He had been trying to open the electronic lock on Mr. Reddington’s container for an hour, frustrating because he had been sent to do an easy task: repair the container’s computer system, which was no longer responding.

One more try, Aram decided. He pressed the zero key five times to clear the lock and then slowly keyed in the factory re-set code he had saved on his smartphone. This time, he used his apartment address as the new code. The lock made a clicking sound and then the doors opened part-way with a loud clank.        

“Yes!” Aram high-fived an imaginary audience, then he picked up a scrap board and wedged it between the sliding doors near the bottom. He would troubleshoot the lock later. In the meantime, the wood would keep him from being locked in if the lock was malfunctioning.

He stepped into the container and sat down at the computer, which was off. Puzzled, Aram looked for the cord. The end lay on the floor. He picked it up and noticed multiple bite marks on it, canine teeth? A moment later, he heard a loud fart coming from the bathroom.  “What the ---?” He drew his gun. Suddenly, a golden retriever peeked around the wall, saw the open door, and dashed for it. “No! Nice Doggy. Stay. Stay!”

The dog leaped at the opening, knocking down the board. The door clanged shut. Aram swore. The container interior was dark, save for a glow from the skylight.

“What the hell is going on out there?” yelled a voice from the bathroom. “Hudson! Come here!”
“If you’re talking to the dog, he’s gone. Who are you?” Aram peered into the darkness. He heard another fart.

“Who are you? I’m Glen . . .”
Aram saw a yellow glow. A short man appeared, carrying a Glade scented candle. Aram inhaled. “Frantic Flowers! I have that scent in my bathroom.” He put his gun away.

“I can’t argue with a man with good taste.” Glen set the candle on the bar and poured himself a drink then flicked on a light. “What are you doing here? Red isn’t going anywhere until next week.” Aram told him about repairing the computer. While he was talking, he plugged in the computer and turned it on. In another minute, he was running diagnostics.

“I’m the best tracker there is. You know what? I had to find a stupid dog. Found him, too, and then you had to open that door. That lock hasn’t worked right for weeks, but you got it open.” Glen finished his drink and poured himself another. “Hudson is across the city by now.”

Aram ignored him. He studied the test results. The power had just been out. Next, he brought up the security program started working on the door, while Glen sat at the bar and got drunk on 40-year-old scotch. Another hour passed.
Then another.
Then another.
“Well, it’s been fun, but I’ve got to go find Hudson, again.” Glen slurred.
“Sorry, we’re locked in. I’m doing the best I can.”
Glen gave him an unfocused stare. “All we need to do is go out the secret exit under the shower. It’s how Hudson got in.”    

Note:  We loved the dialogue in Iowa's story and found that she captured miserable Glen to a tee, farts and all. And the clever ending! Red's shipping container is a perfect setting.

One Paul

Dembe, poor Dembe, He has put up with so much. Why won’t Red just tell Liz the truth? Gee! And the things he has to do!!! And Dembe misses Fitch. He was just a cool guy. Someone should have been able to get that stupid bomb off.  Dembe is just fed up! Goodbye, all of you!

So Dembe has an idea. He has been secretly, silently studying computer wizardry from Aram all this time, basically mastering every detail with his silent genius. He is fed up with Raymond and all his secrets. Who has to dig up bodies and find secret envelopes all day? So, he just quits silently to himself. As he barely speaks anyway.

He writes an amazing bit of software able to reincarnate Fitch. Fortunately, the poor soul who had to clean up the Box that day thought to save the remains. Ew, right? But, since Dembe seems to be experienced at digging up graves, it is pretty quick work.

He brings back Fitch (yay!) and starts his own company with the tagline “Blown to bits? Well, I brought back Fitch!”  And becomes a quick zillionaire. Of course, he is a little picky about who he brings back. He is living large, but something is missing. The business life really wears on you after awhile!

Remembering Flat Cat’s secret Ninja skills, they stop at the flat in Bethesda. Flat Cat is more than happy to get the heck out of there. It’s a bit creepy and Mr. Kaplan won’t let him sleep on the bed. Dembe figures it will be very unexpected to have an innocent looking cat take out enemies with a throwing star. So a good guy to have around.

Flat Cat’s name is really Stitch. Little known fact!

Well, Fitch really needs some catching up. He has been dead for awhile. He doesn’t even know about The Director or that Tom Brady deflated footballs. And Dembe has been just stressed out, and Flat Cat needs some fresh air. So, off to the Australian Outback to look up Crocodile Dundee! I mean, what has he been doing? He has the free time.

They find him living outside, conquering the Outback and fighting the Australian Cabal, which is really just a bunch of kangaroos and some guys names Bruce, but no matter. They all band together to live outdoors in secret and fight.

And so goes the spinoff. “Dembe’s Rich, with Fitch and Stitch in a Ditch"

Note: One Paul's humor is unparalleled and just our style. Tom Brady, Australian Cabal, Flat Cat with a throwing star, "Blown to bits? Well, I brought back Fitch!" and "Dembe’s Rich, with Fitch and Stitch in a Ditch". 

Lake Girl

Episode three of Creating Beauty takes us to the unique home of Kodiak.  While the natural beauty of the outside of his den is a sight to behold, his loved ones say the inside is best viewed with your eyes closed!  They hope our intrepid interior designers, Madeline and Glen, can transform this house of horrors into a home befitting this kind-hearted soul, who donates his time and money to fight for animal rights.

Our journey begins in the living room. With a wide-eyed gasp, Madeline declares, "This room belongs in a haunted house!"  

Looking grim, Glen replies, "For once, I agree with you." Removing a white sheet from one of the couches, he exposes fabric so worn it hardly exists. "That explains the sheets."

Shaking her head, Madeline says, "Nothing can explain that monstrosity in the corner!"

Walking over to a recliner held together by duct tape, he exclaims, "That cannot possibly be comfortable!"

With a glint in her eye and a smile on her lips, Madeline dares Glen to have a seat. Throwing her a grin of his own, he accepts her challenge. He quickly regrets this decision, as he becomes stuck in the chair.  Legs kicking as he rocks back and forth, struggling to free himself, he shouts, "A little less laughing and some help would be nice!"

Composing herself as best she could, Madeline frees Glen from the evil recliner. After straightening his clothes, he points his finger at her and spats, "Yeah, laugh at the short guy stuck in the chair!  I should have theses 'tables' shipped to your place!"

"Cable spools would clash with the decor."

One stomping, one gliding, they move into the dining room.

"Very eclectic."

"Mis-matched is more like it," Glen grumbled.

"Oh, cheer up.  I have a surprise for you."

Wiggling his eyebrows, he asks, " shall we retire to the bedroom?"

"Not THAT kind of surprise."

Before Glen could begin to pout, in walks Apolonia, his favorite baker, her arms full of groceries.

"Surprise!"  Madeline says as they help bring the groceries into the kitchen. "Now this room is beautiful!"  Madeline proclaims, running her hand along the recycled wood countertop. "I like the woodland flower accents."

"I would like the two of you to vacate the kitchen so I can start baking," Apolonia orders, shooing them from the room.

"If you need a taste tester..." Glen suggests.

"I'll save the first paczki for you dear.  Now go.  Decorate.  That dining room is not fit to eat in!"

Sadly, that was true.  The chipped Formica table was surrounded  by a faded green lawn chair, a wicker chair with a hole in the back, and a scarred wooden chair.

"Don't even mention Adler," Glen warned.  "Modern furniture would clash with this den."

"Let me guess," Madeline purred, "Chippendale.  Cabriole, not Marlborough, legs. Ball and claw feet.".

"You know me so well," Glen responded with a growl.

Laughing, she sits down at the table.  He pulls up a chair beside her.  The order is quickly placed.  Delivery will be in one hour. Their work done, they begin to watch Apolonia, becoming hypnotized by her dance-like movements and her sweet polish melody.

"Sto lat, sto lat, Niech zyje, zyje nam.......Jeszcze raz, jeszcze raz.......Niech zyje nam."

With new furniture and decor and the heavenly scent of paczki, Kodiak's den is as beautiful on the inside as it is on the outside.  Taking Glen's arm in her own, Madeline asks, "which will Kodiak like more, the furniture or the paczki?"

"Definitely the paczki," Glen winks.

Note: Wow, Lake Girl really took her characters "out of character" with fantastic creativity. What a fun and original idea. It was nice to see Madeline and Apolonia. We were taken into a whole new world! And her visualization of the interior of Kodiak's den seems quite on point!



A snowy Saturday night. A drunken Aram bemoans his romantic failures on an on-line dating blog entitled, “Ingenium,” which caters to a highly educated but socially awkward clientele. He fears he will never find a mate. The blog’s moderator, “The Oracle,” suggests that the problem isn’t Aram’s intelligence; it’s that he’s looking for intelligence in Washington, where the odds of finding it are mathematically impossible. The Oracle says, “You need a change of scenery. How about a developmental assignment in the city with the largest number of PhDs per capita in the country?” Aram slurs, “Yes!  I love Palo Alto! Some California sunshine is just what I need!” The Oracle informs Aram that it’s all arranged -- a plane ticket is waiting for him at Reagan; an Uber cab will be at his door in 45 minutes, and to pack sunscreen. An emoticon winks at him, then signs off.


Aram, dressed in a Hawaiian shirt, is passed out.


Aram awakens under a banner reading, “Welcome to Huntsville, Alabama, Home of National Geographic’s Rocket City Rednecks!” He sees a middle-aged woman holding a sign reading, “Aram” in a flowery script. He stumbles over.

Aram? I’m Janice. I own a Bed & Breakfast here in Huntsville. A mutual friend called to say that you’ll be in town for a few months and needed accommodations. He thought you’d prefer something homey, and he knew I was starting this business, so he .. thought it would be a win-win.

Mr. Reddington?  How did he know I was coming to Huntsville? I just found out myself.

He knows everything, dear. Let’s collect your luggage. Lunch is in the oven. I hope you like stroganoff!


Aram reports for his first day of work. A call to The Post Office reveals that his covert services were badly needed at Marshall. They assumed subterfuge was the only way he would accept the assignment. Two attractive young women wearing badges identifying them as astrophysicists enter his office to welcome him. He smiles back, hanging up on The Post Office in midsentence.

Aram reviews the file outlining his first mission. Outside elements have made repeated attempts to break into Marshall Command Center’s computer system. It is feared that the International Space Station is the target. After an intensive on-line game of cat-and-mouse, Aram discovers that the real target was actually the Hubble Telescope, and that the perpetrator was Kim Kardashian, who wanted to hijack Hubble’s massive mirror so she could get a full view of her backside in one glance.


Aram excitedly gives Janice a recap of his first day’s adventure. The doorbell rings, and Dembe enters, carrying a suitcase. Dembe explains that Nick Saban’s spectacular coaching success at the University of Alabama has people asking questions, so Reddington sent him to investigate. Dembe determined that there was no cheating involved. He discovered, however, that Saban had sold his soul to The Devil, but observed that any reckoning due as a result would take place at a higher pay grade than Red’s.  Janice invites them for dinner. Dembe accepts, but Aram says he has to meet with co-workers. He tells Dembe, “I’d invite you to join us, but it’s going to be boring. They’re astrophysicists.” Dembe nods, relieved. Aram rolls his eyes knowingly, then quickly leaves. As he drives away in his rented Prius, he queues up his iPod to play “Sweet Home Alabama.”

Note:  Our favorite line: "... he’s looking for intelligence in Washington, where the odds of finding it are mathematically impossible." Never has this been more true than this year of politics. Aram rocked this story - drunk in a Hawaiian shirt, duping Dembe so he didn't have to share the female astrophysicists, listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd. It's easy to imagine this as a completely separate series.

BL Mom

The Sacklist

Featuring your favorite characters from The Blacklist that were dropped, killed, or otherwise sacked. This spinoff features Fitch, Samuel Aleko (aka The Samoan) and Ezra (aka Motel Man).

Episode 1, "Pilot, Lunch Ladies"

Fitch, The Samoan, and Motel Man have gone into business together taking over failing operations in the DC area. Brains (Fitch), Braun (The Samoan), and Beauty (Motel Man).

First stop, a DC deli right near a certain location familiar to Blacklist Fans. (starts P and ends in Office.....) It is prime for a takeover from these new owners.

"This place is in ruins!", says The Samoan. "Worse then the SS Dammit Liz!"

"It looked cleaner in the box after the bomb went off," says Fitch.

"Liz's cruddy motel room was nicer than this so-called deli!", says Motel Man.

"Let's get to work!", replied Fitch.

They spend weeks remodeling with the help of the construction crew Red used to build the Director's fake office, and voila! A new deli is born. They name it "A Salt and Battery". Battered fish, you know? And, of course there will be desserts.

Customer #1 , a random SWAT team member we have never seen before enters and orders a submarine sandwich. It is never discovered what submarine sandwiches mean to the mythology of the "The Sacklist."

Customer #2, a hungry, annoyed Ressler. "What do you mean, you're out of split pea soup??" He departs after shooting a bullet hole in the chicken noodle tub.

Customers #3 and 4 attempt to order borscht and blyny, and then scurry away when Ressler pokes his head back in for one more shot.

Customer #5 attempts to order a Berliner from Fitch. He is quickly tossed out.

Aram is Customer #6. He orders 53 red velvet cupcakes for Cooper's 52nd birthday. "Um, nice hair, what do you use?" he yells back at Motel Man as he pedals away.

The Samoan suggests before the lunch rush that they add zebra mussels to the menu? He is rapidly and soundly vetoed.

Speaking of Motel Man, Customers #7 -11 shamlessly hit on him.

Fitch, nervous for the lunch rush, sits in a corner for a few minutes with a plastic platter and is overheard saying "I always liked you, Tray." The Samoan and Motel Man exchange a knowing glance.

A successful lunch rush ensues!  The Samoan can buy a new boat, Fitch can take Mrs. Fitch to St. Petersburg for vacation (in Florida, not Russia!) and Motel Man can now be known as Apartment Man.

In the next episode 1.2 "On The Ropes", the team takes over a kidnapping supplies business, one of the busiest storefronts in all of DC!

Note: Great name! We appreciate that The Samoan and Motel Man are featured (particularly Motel Man!)  The humor is very clever, and BL Mom included so many references to funny things on the show or things we have discussed on BSG, such as:  The SS Dammit Liz, a Berliner, St. Petersburg, Apartment Man, and our favorite ... Fitch saying, "I always liked you, Tray." Hahaha! Also, not only is there a great set-up for the second episode, it is suggested that there are limitless failing businesses to build episodes upon.

Honey West

Hacker and Tracker

“This can’t be the right address”, thought Aram, as he stopped his bike in front of a dilapidated warehouse in an industrial part of town. “Who could possibly live here?” He stopped, double-checked the GPS coordinates on his phone and squinted into the darkness. The street was deserted, except for an equally dilapidated Winnebago parked under a streetlamp. He was just getting ready to leave when the RV’s door opened and a small gnomish figure popped out.

“Hey! You Mojtabai?” the high-pitched irritating voice asked. Not sure whether to answer, but having been raised to be polite, no matter what, Aram responded in the affirmative. “Great!  Put your bike on the rack, pull the plug and let’s get outta here. We got work to do and I don’t wanna spend my whole vacation hanging around this dump!”

Aram found the rack on the front of the Winnie, locked his bike onto it and started to get into the RV.

“Wait, did you pull the plug like I asked?” said the little man, peevishly. Aram looked nervously around, not knowing what he was talking about. He did notice that the inside of the RV was packed with laptops, TV monitors, headphones and recording equipment. “The cord, the cord, whaddya think makes all this stuff go? I charged things up while I was waiting for you.” “Sheesh, beginners!” He grumbled as he hopped out of the driver’s seat, and went around to the other side where Aram could see him unplugging a very long orange extension cord from the side of the RV.

As he got back in, Aram finally said, “Wh-who are you anyway?”

The little man beamed, “Glen. Glen Carter, world’s greatest tracker. And you’d better be Aram Mojtabai, world’s greatest hacker or we’re both screwed. By the way, you can stash the helmet in that closet over there, that’s your space.”

Glen stabbed a finger in the general direction of the galley and that’s when Aram heard a heavy thumping sound and saw something moving under the table. As he slowly moved closer, the sound got louder and began to be accompanied by a happy whine. Looking under the table he found himself looking into the smiling face of a Golden Retriever.

“Hi, boy, or girl, you’re friendly, I hope!”

“Yeah, he’s friendly. Meet our other new partner Hudson. I always think it’s a good idea to have old-fashioned style backup if I can’t find someone. Plus dogs are great chick magnets!”

Aram sighed, “Agent Keen used to have a dog named Hudson… I’m not sure if he was a golden retriever or not, though.”

“That’s him,” Glen said, “Reddington keeps dumping dogs on me. I had to board the girls, but I figured since Hudson’s a retriever maybe he could earn his keep.” Hudson panted and happily thumped his tail against the floor.

Aram squeezed his helmet into the cupboard and just managed to shut door. He had packed light, but where on earth was he going to put his things in this rolling junkyard? “We need to make a quick stop by my apartment so I can get my duffel bag,” Aram said. “It’s…”

“Oh, I know where you live,” Glen cut him off, “I know where everyone lives. I work at the DMV!” Glen slammed the RV into gear and screeched away from the curb. Aram didn’t know an RV could even do that. He also wasn’t quite sure what to make of his new partners. But they had work to do, people to find. He hoped the RV had a working refrigerator.

Note:  Hands down, the best line of the contest:  Glen said, “Reddington keeps dumping dogs on me. I had to board the girls, but I figured since Hudson’s a retriever maybe he could earn his keep.” Hahaha! Glen's dialogue really captured his "essence!" Great incorporation of the words Golden Retriever. 


The Barnacle Debacle

“Wait, what?” Aram leans over the table, phone in hand, runs fingers through hair, anxiously.  “Oh.  No-no-no-no!  I don’t—a favor?  Really?  But I don’t—and Mr. Reddington?  Okay.”

The phone line drops, and his eyes dart about, fingers fidgeting, counting out the conversation.

Dembe told him to meet him at the address.  They needed some intel pulled from a very specific computer.  The owner was in on the deal, and left everything sitting out for him.  Done and done.  That much he had under control.  Easy-peasy.  Piece of cake.  No problem.  But then Dembe said there was a bit of an emergency, and that Mr. Reddington needed him to—to watch someone?  It just didn’t make any sense. There had to be a bad connection.  Had to be.  And so he does the only thing he can do—he turns around, leans back against the desk, and waits.

He surveys the room.  There’s books and cases and shelves; a television, a bar, and an armoire.  It’s nice.  Nice and neat, and lived in.  He opens the wardrobe out of curiosity, and flips through a dozen t-shirts, each with a different logo.

“This guy must go out of his way to get free clothes,” Aram shakes his head, amused, before closing the door.

He picks up an ashtray shaped like an alligator, and nearly drops it.  Breathes a sigh of relief, and decides to not touch anything else.  Too many things look irreplaceable. The books look a little too old, and the records a little too used.

There’s several pictures of food, on one wall.

Aram leans forward.

“Is that beef stroganoff?  And paczki?”  He scrunches his face up, confused.

He turns to the other wall, and notices a large picture of a bear in the corner, standing on its hind legs, roaring, with an inscription that reads “Kodiak’s Cave” in old school steampunk font.  He smirks.  It doesn’t look as frightening as Mr. Reddington, when he means business—and he almost always means business.
The door creeks open, and he jumps.

“Dembe!  Oh, thank God!  I was wondering when you were going to show up.  I kept waiting and waiting and waiting, and then I thought maybe I didn’t hear you correctly—and then I thought I heard you say Mr. Reddington needed a favor, and that I was supposed to—to—to—watch someone?

His eyes drop down to the carrying case Dembe’s holding.

“Not watch some one, watch some thing.” Dembe explains.  He opens the crate, and a small feline pads out into the middle of the room.  “His cat.  Mr. Reddington needs you to watch his cat while we are out of town for the week.  Mr. Kaplan will be unavailable.”

“Oh.”  Aram blinks, and then his mind catches up.  “Wait, what?  Mr. Reddington has a cat?”

“Yes.  He lives in a flat, but he cannot stay there while they are repainting.  Mr. Reddington would take him with us if he could, but he can’t.  Barnacle doesn’t travel well on planes.”


“Yes.  He is very clingy.”

Aram reaches down to run a hand along the arched back that hugs up against him.
“A cat,” Aram says, stupefied.  “Huh.  And it doesn’t scratch or hiss or reign holy terror down on everything around it?”

“No,” Dembe says, watching Barnacle hop up on the couch, curling into a ball.  “He just likes attention.  And food.”

“Makes sense,” Aram nods, leaning over to scratch behind Barnacle’s ear.  “Yeah, I can watch him.”

Note: Pictures on the wall of beef stroganoff and paczki? LOL. What more can we say? Aram's dialogue is spot-on, complete with stuttering. It sounds exactly like him. The characters and Kodiak's wardrobe preferences, have been captured quite well! 


Tabasko said...

Congratulations, Kodiak, and to all who entered! They really were a joy to read and we are so lucky to have such wonderful members that contributed witty, well-written and truly entertaining entries! We will do this again, I am sure!!

I was and still am flat-out impressed by each one. GREAT JOB, ALL!

Kodiak, please enjoy your new wardrobe piece. I assume you will need a XXXXL, as a bear and all.

Kodiak said...

Oh, my gosh!!! I didn't prepare a speech, I just never thought I would win..... :'(

I am so honoured!!!! Thanks Tabs, Chomps and Charmed! You are too kind. I would like to thank the Academy, my mom, my agent, my florist, my Second Cup barista, my cat Frankie, and Taylor Swift.

My mother and girlfriend thank you from the bottom of their hearts, as now I must retire one free tee from my closet. Will it be the one I got in 2003 for eating 12 hot dogs in 15 minutes? It has a body wide hole in the back, but it's still suitable for certain events! Or the one I found in the back of a cab that says "Drake Fan" with a big oil stain? Going to be a tough choice!!!

I am looking forward to reading the other entries, which I am sure are better than mine!

And I hope to find some pants to go with my shirt. Nice photo!!

Iowa Watcher said...

Congratulations, Kodiak! And everyone! These are all wonderful!

I know that I couldn't have picked a winner. What a task! I don't envy the judges one bit.

Too bad that youtube animation isn't easier. I'd like to see all of these stories produced. Wouldn't that be fun? Yeah, I know, copyright, yada, yada, but it speaks to the strength of your stories that I can imagine all of these as cartoon episodes.

You all made my Sunday. Let's do this again later this summer for sure!

Eastcoast said...

Congrats Kodiak!!

Chompstick said...

Kodiak, your shirt might be a little (or a lot) stretched out and have a few spare clumps of post hibernation shedding fur. It still sounds in better shape than the stuff-your-face-with-elongated-meat-products shirt, so it should be a good trade.

Congratulations again. We loved your story (as we did all of them).

Now what I really want to know is how many times today did you check to see if the winner was announced yet?

Kodiak said...

Thanks Iowa Watcher and Eastcoast! Iowa Watcher, yours is hilarious! You had me at "fart."

Chompstick, only 46 times or so.

They are all so good. I'm glad my den provided entertainment to more than one author. I hope Lake Girl can redecorate for me. The furniture she described is actually nicer than mine. ;-p


Charmed said...

Awww, it looks like you had the makings of a great speech, right at the tips of your fingers. I'm not sure I want to know what Taylor Swift does for you, but the rest fits as well as your newest free tee shirt fits your avatar! The neck isn't even stretched out. Congratulations Mate!

Kodiak won the first contest tee shirt, but you are all big winners in my book. Each of us had specific ideas we liked in each essay.

We couldn't work around our (non-existent) budget to pay for eight tees, but it was discussed...

All of your entries had beloved characters, creative descriptions, lines of dialogue or even sound effects that had us in stitches! I could see each of the scenes as though it was on film. I hope this was nearly as much fun for y'all as it was for me. Thanks everyone!

Honey West said...

I am still laughing!! These are great! And congrats to Mister Bear! May you wear your new T for many seasons to come!

Iowa Watcher and I need to collaborate on our spinoff using Aram, Glen and Hudson! LOL!

I loved Flat Cat's secret ninja skills! I always knew that cat was up to something! And then having Aram watching the cat because Mr. Kaplan was unavailable. LOL!

And I always wondered if Aram was checking out online dating sites. LOL! I'm glad Aram got the date with the astrophysicists.

"I always liked you, Tray." That one tickled my funny bone.

But my biggest question is - will we ever see Kodiak's Bear Cave? I don't think we need to - our imaginations are better than anything could be in reality. LOL!

Loved the photo of the dilapidated Winnebago! That was exactly how I had pictured it! Except mine had a satellite dish on top, which I forgot to mention (well, ran out of words for it!)

Lake Girl said...

Congrats Kodiak! The shirt looks great on you ;). I would get rid of the hot dog eating shirt! Can't wait to read all the stories.

lara1 said...

I read all of these and they are all very good! I laughed out loud at something in each one. Very clever and funny depiction of Blacklist (or should I say, Slacklist!) characters
The image of Mr. Vargas as a medium sized mop - LOL! Congratulations, Kodiak!

One Paul said...

Kodiak, great job!

These are all too hilarious and well-done for words! I am short on time to comment today, but I have to quickly say everyone's was excellent.

Lol's all around and super ideas! I second Iowa Watcher's idea that they be produced!

However, we have a new mystery. Who is Anonymous Spinoff Poster Person? Is that one of you 3, Charmed, Chomps, or Tabs? *insert suspicious face*

Chompstick said...

I thought of writing one for fun, but no, anonymous is none of the three of us. It's a regular member of BSG who simply wanted to join in the fun but not have their name attached. He or she did not enter the competition, just wanted to enjoy the camaraderie.

Speaking of camaraderie, the silly comments and supportive nature toward each other about this contest makes it so evident how close we've all become, including many of you who didn't write a story, of course. I love this place!

But on to something more important ...

Kodiak, is that you pictured entering your den? Hmm.

Honey West said...

I second your last comment, Chompstick!

Lake Girl said...

I loved all of these stories! Ninja cat, cuddly kitty, squirrle barbers, the impossible search for intelligence in Washington, lol. The Hudson mystery finally solved! (good to know he is with Glen).
My daughter can relate to Ressler, she loves split
pea soup!
Iowa Watcher, can I get Frantic Flowers in air freshener form for my son's room? His diapers can really stink the place up!

Lake Girl said...

I third your comment Chompstick!

Iowa Watcher said...

Honey West, great minds run in the same . . . LOL! I almost put them in an RV but then I got the shipping container idea.

Lake Girl, I've found that burning something on the stove is a quick fix for most household odors. I've done that several times when I've had drop-in company and wanted to shorten their stay.


Laocoon said...

Congrats, Kodiak!!

Awesome entries, all! You guys are amazing.

Honey West said...

Oh wow, Iowa Watcher! If you had put them in the RV I would have fallen off my chair!

And, I swear, I only added Aram while I was driving to San Francisco and back and then the story practically wrote itself, and that includes the RV scenario being the one! I knew I wanted Glen and Hudson. I think I originally had Ressler along for the ride, but he wasn't as funny as Aram.

Chompstick said...

The story I was working on was also in an RV - a Winnebago in fact - with Mr. Vargas, Samar, and Hudson. While camping in the Florida Everglades, Mr. Vargas got pulled into a swamp by a crocodile named Lyle Lyle. Samar, who was secretly tracking him, was puzzled by why a Nile crocodile, native only to Africa, was in South Florida. Meanwhile, out of nowhere, Hudson pulls Mr. Vargas from the jaws of death. Together, Mr. Vargas and Samar determine that the Mossad must be behind the mysterious crocodile bait and switch. I never got any further than that.

deadskie13 said...

Congratulations, Kodiak! And well-deserved! :D But jeez-o-peetz! Everyone did a most amazing job! And thank you, to all our moderators, for making such a thing possible. ^-^

Lake Girl said...

Chompstick, sounds like the start of a great story! If you ever write it, I would love to read it.

Honey West said...

Lyle, Lyle Crocodile? Oh, Chompstick I hope you finish that one someday. You could put it in some sort of rhyming form. LOL!

BL Mom said...

Great work, Kodiak!!!!!!! And to everyone else! Iowa Watcher, Honey West, One Paul, Floralouise, and our Anonymous Member----you have all written fantastic pieces! I am laughing and am seriously drawn in by the stories. I am sure it was a really tough choice. Cliche coming, but they are all winners!

fangirl said...

Just got started but am laughing already!!! Mr. Vargas's "pre squirrel hair" !!!!! omg

I love having well-written stuff to read and laugh at!!! Thanks all for such a fun reading experience.

Mods, please run another contest again soon? This is so great!!!

fangirl said...

I am seriously impressed with the comedy writing skills displayed by all these contest entries!!!!!

Actually laughed out loud SEVERAL times, and that doesn't happen often even though I read voraciously.

SO much fun.

More, please!!!

Congrats to the winner and all the entrants -- you are all truly talented.

Thanks to the mods for doing the contest and thanks to the writers for brightening our collective day!!

Kodiak said...

Chompstick #12 - It is not! I believe that butt belongs to an ex-Blacklister, say Bearlin, Frederick Bearnes, or maybe Dr. James Cubington.

Chompstick said...

Kodiak, I have literally laughed myself into a coughing fit, that's how funny your last post was. The indignation! All the bears!!

Ironically, my son's nickname is Bear. :)

Honey West said...

You all are making me want to go eat dinner tonight at the nearest Black Bear Diner!

floralouise said...

Thanks to Chompstick, Charmed, and Tabasko for this fun little diversion, and to all my fellow fanatics who submitted a story. Congratulations Kodiak! Well done!

Lake Girl said...

Kodiak, could the bear butt belong to Lord Beartimore? Or is your den "male bears only"?

Kodiak said...

Thanks again everyone!

Lake Girl #30 - Lol! Ladies invited!

Chompstick said...

Maybe it's Tabearsko's butt.

Tabasko said...

Kodiak #26, Lake GIrl #30: Hahaha! Too funny, indeed!

Chompcinnamonstick #32: I don't think so!!!! i am the little armed up cat, if anything! Tabaskitty.

I am re-reading these essays yet again this morning. They are just so good! What a great group we have.

Lake Girl said...

Tabaskitty! XD

Rori said...

I don't have a nanosecond to read these yet, but am flagging this page for my own Summer Beach Reading List!
Cannot wait for life to allow some leisurely faux-Blackist stories by BLSG members.

THANKS for all the work of all contestants and judges!