Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Bumble Puppy and Schroeder and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Bumble Puppy

My friend and I took our beautiful, sweet, well-behaved golden retrievers for a walk at a large county park located on the river. Almost immediately it turned into a nightmare of sludge when my dogs Schroeder and Bumble Puppy, and Schroeder's litter mate, Kramer and his sister Spice, took off for the river. We had to let go of their leashes because they pulled so hard and we couldn't hang on safely as they ran toward the woods. Having their leashes still on can be very dangerous; if one gets caught on a tree, for example, the dog could strangle.  The dogs ran down an embankment, onto the rock bulkhead, and took flying leaps into the river. 

Bumble Puppy
That wasn't too bad, except they kept running and swimming their way about 2 miles up the shoreline, well off the park property.  When we shouted for them, they would briefly turn our way, and then continue their trek in the opposite direction. I chased after them down the beach while Barb and Shadow, her 6 month old foster dog, a good little pup, went another way to try to cut them off. 

As I ran after them for most of the distance, ignoring all the No Tresspassing signs surrounding an old house and it's property, an unease settled upon me. In this semi-rural area, you never know when you might be staring down the wrong end of a shotgun. 

Cursing loudly with abandon, I finally spotted the bad, bad dogs across an inland muddy swamp.  Puppy, Schroeder, and Kramer were thick in the reeds, covered in sludge up to their necks. 

Schroeder, Bumble Puppy, Kramer
Spice was nowhere to be seen.  Unfortunately, the three boys decided this was the time to finally respond to my calls of "come", and the most direct route was straight through the swamp.  They ignored my shouts of, "NOOOOOOOO!" and instead swam and trudged through what looked like quick sand and thick mud beneath about 1- 2 feet of stinky swamp water. They kept sinking in and getting stuck.  After about 10 minutes of this, they made it to me, first Kramer, then Schroeder, with Puppy way behind.  He kept sinking deeper because of his greater size.  There was little doubt that littermates Kramer and Schroeder, still youngsters, were the ringleaders.  I was quite frightened because there was still no sign of Spice, who is older than the others and not as fit. To my relief, she eventually showed up from another direction, also covered in the thick black sludge.

Naturally, they ran circles around me and I couldn't initially get them on leash, although they certainly got close enough to shake mud all over me.  Eventually I got Schroeder, Puppy, and Spice on leash, but Kramer kept running away.  We found Barb and Shadow, who had trekked through wild fields and woods for a couple of miles.

Good boy Shadow with Schroeder and Puppy
In the end, everything was covered in a disgusting black sludge: dogs, humans, leashes, clothes, and my professional camera :( .  The odor emanating from me could induce vomiting just as surely as ipecac. Barb and I each looked at our vans in the parking lot, our hearts sinking as we simultaneous came to the same realization: the only way home was with these truly disgusting dogs, who smelled like they rolled in rotten animal carcasses, in our vehicles.

Once at home, I spent about 45 minutes washing each dog, trying to get the mud and mire washed out with a hose, but the silt just clung to the fur.  It took about another hour to scrub down the interior of my van.

Unfortunately, Spice (below) was professionally groomed less than 24 hours before!

Lesson learned?  I'm not sure .... lock Kramer and Schroeder (whom we call Thing One and Thing Two) at home and only take out Spice and Puppy? These two behave when their baby brothers aren't around to corrupt them. This was several years ago and we've never been back to that park.


Stay tuned for another Puppy and Schroeder misadventure in the next week or two.


Iowa Watcher said...

Fun to read! Oh, oh, oh! You can joke about it now, but I'll bet at the time you were ready to put the little dears in "Time Out" after hosing them down. What a mess!

The closest I came to anything like that was when one of the barn cats was chasing something, slipped, and rolled into the black sludge of open spillway near the back of the barn. I fished him out and then a friend sprayed off the sludge with a garden hose, while I hung onto the scruff of his neck for dear life, lest he slice me open. He was screaming bloody murder the entire time. When he was mostly clean, I let go of his neck, and he ran for the woods, one gray and white tabby cat blur. I didn't see him for another 3 days, and he avoided me forever after that.

Dogs are easier to clean!

DZ731 said...

Poor doggies, and poor you! I bet the smell was awful. What a misadventure for the scamps!

Tabasko said...

Chomps has the best worst dog stories of anyone I know.

Iowa, glad you escaped intact!

BL Mom said...

Oh my. Reminds me of removing all those burr things off my escaped poodle years ago.

Sometimes a bird gets out, but it's minimal cleanup!

Chompstick said...

Iowa, I would take all the muddy dogs in the world over one angry cat. There's nothing worse. BL Mom, those burrs are awful to get out. Yuck.

lara1 said...

Thanks for sharing this funny story.

Golden retrievers are beautiful but not when covered in slimy mud! LOL. I don't envy the clean up of dogs, van, people, clothes….

Iowa Watcher: Your cat story made my hair stand up on end! Luckily all worked out well.

I have no similar dog (or cat) stories to share - our dogs growing up actually liked to be washed, go figure - but when I was little, I had a goldfish that leapt right out of the fish tank. That was one athletic, Olympic-minded fish! LOL.

One Paul said...

Chomps, the looks in their eyes in the photos are priceless! Lol!!!! Those are great shots, even though they are a gang of mess!

I am glad Zeke has never done anything like that. His worst thing is food stealing, like the Bumpas' dogs in "A Christmas Story."

Funny story!

Rori said...

CHOMPSTICK! This was more harrowing than many a BL episode! The suspense! The trauma! The SLUDGE!! Clearly, all your pooches made it onto the Black List (yuck, yuck, yuck).
What a well-told tale (HA! npi). So grateful that you endured to tell it! Thanks so much for the night's entertainment...and I hope you have fully recovered (yes! I mean from years ago)

Chompstick said...

One Paul - The Bumpas dogs! Hahaha
Rori - I have an even better story that happened a couple weeks ago. I'll share that soon.

deadskie13 said...

Oh, my goodness! I can only imagine! XD Their expressions of accomplishment, are perfect! :D (I was trying to explain to a friend who is considering becoming a dog owner for the first time, that you very much have to take the bad bits with the good.)

My Sadie love is only 11 pounds, and with short fur. And so on the few occasions she's become messy, there's an intense 10 minutes in the tub, with her standing still, one paw hovering off the ground, while her jaw remains clenched, hating me and the water and the soap and the universe. And then five seconds later, I fork over a treat, and all is forgiven. Dogs really are the best. ^-^

Looking forward to more pup adventure stories--great job, Chompstick! :D

Kodiak said...

I do agree that the pictures make this one! The one where they are all sitting there like "I'm just here, doing my usual sitting in the mud. Who, me?" is hilarious.

Looking forward to more stories!

Lake Girl said...

Chomps, that must have been terrifying at the time! Since all ended well, I can say your story gave me a much needed laugh :).
I had to bathe my cat once when he was a kitten. I wore multiple layers of heavy clothes, got in the tub with the shower doors closed, and washed as quickly as I could! He flew around the tub like a pinball, meowing in the most tortured way.

Honey West said...

I am in between dogs right now, but this was such a typical dog tale! The little stinkers! I learned with a dog we had when I was a kid that the best way to get my errant beagle to return was to ignore him. But that was almost impossible to do! I must have chased him to the moon and back over the years since he lived to be 18!

Rori said...

Kodiak's description of pics=perfect: "The one where they are all sitting there like "I'm just here, doing my usual sitting in the mud. Who, me?" is hilarious." How is it that canines have that ability, that "who, me?" capacity particularly? Hahaha!

And Lake Girl--LOVE that description of the kitty-bathing experience. LOL! "He flew around the tub like a pinball"

Honey West: I also grew up with an "errant beagle" and ALSO had to learn that I couldn't chase her "to the moon and back" to any good effect. The hound outfoxed me every time! Miss that pooch!!

Marie said...

I know it was awful at the time but it was funny to read. The photos are hilarious! I couldn't even tell what the first photo of Bumble Puppy was at first. Goldens, you gotta love them!
My girlfriend used to have a Golden, named Logan. He could've been my dog. Whenever I saw him, I would pin him down and make him show his teeth and beg "uncle". It was our little game. I loved that dog. He is gone now.

Laocoon said...

We've owned and fostered about 25 goldens over time. It always seems that behavior goes to the "lowest common denominator." The best dogs discover from others, hey, I can do that, too!

Thanks for the great story and photos. Swamp water is indeed the worst ....